So let's take a look at the way your personal statement should be structured? If you spent, time analysing our sample personal statements http://www.getintouni.com/Samples you will see that each paragraph revolves around one particular incident or the subject area of study. Although the personal statement should logically flow from start to finish, none the less, unlike a book with a distinctive story running through it and building up to a climax, a personal statement is episodic in style and content so each paragraph stands out.
Empty Words _ Since most personal statements are about 5μ lines, you don't have space for empty statements such as 'I am a hard worker' or 'I am a people person'. How can the hiring manager ascertain that this is the truth without any evidence to back up such lofty statements? You need to give them examples of your work ethic and how it positively impacted your employer as well as evidence of your interpersonal skills.