Another problem often discovered at this stage is the presence of too many short sentences and paragraphs that seem choppy and abrupt. As a solution, try to develop these into longer, more graceful sentences. Formal writing generally utilizes longer sentences, so try using more compound and complex sentences. Using long sentences add flavor and variety to your writing, not to mention the fact that it also showcases your proficiency with words. You can also consider the word_count limit at this time and begin omitting unnecessary details that may only bog down your essay and make it unfocused. How can information be "condensed" while keeping the essence and maintaining the relevance of the essay? You can remove adverbs and excessive modifiers, as well as transform detailed sections to general statements.
2. BE POSITIVE. Your statement should not sound staged or stilted, but enthusiastic and motivated. Consider topics which would be easiest for you to put descriptive words to. Your personal statement is a testament of your passions and your earnestness, the image you want the reviewing committee to see of you. That image should never be negative, bland, or boring; you want the committee to say, on reading your statement, we'd like to meet this person. Avoid using "waffle" words (words which qualify your experiences and commitment) such as "rather", "quite", "somewhat", or "probably". Waffle words tend to give the impression the writer is unsure of him or herself; with the personal statement, all writing should be positive and express confidence and directness.