After grammar and spelling, the next problem that needs be checked is transition. Read your essay. Go through it from end to end, and check to see if your essay flows smoothly. Does each sentence flow smoothly to the next? Does each paragraph flow logically to the next? Each statement should be connected or somehow related to the one before it, not thrown randomly together. Next, limit the use of "I" in the beginning of most sentences as it is already obvious that the essay is a piece written by an individual.
Sample themes: _ Passion for traveling and being fascinated with multiculturalism and globalization; Having received primary education abroad and the experiences gained therein; _ Concern for the current status of your chosen field or industry in one's country; _ Proficiency in the areas of leadership, communication, and team cooperation as advantages; _ Pursuit of excellence; _ Personal qualities such as adaptability, resilience, persistence; and a sense of social responsibility, or Motivation to enhance one's knowledge and skills and the potential to pursue advanced studies.