After grammar and spelling, the next problem that needs be checked is transition. Read your essay. Go through it from end to end, and check to see if your essay flows smoothly. Does each sentence flow smoothly to the next? Does each paragraph flow logically to the next? Each statement should be connected or somehow related to the one before it, not thrown randomly together. Next, limit the use of "I" in the beginning of most sentences as it is already obvious that the essay is a piece written by an individual.
Keep it short and sweet _ It's tempting to write after page of additional information to include in your personal statement. To be most effective, however, you should cap your statement at no more than one page, or about three paragraphs. The last thing you want to do is bore the person reading your application. So find one or two things you'd like to talk about and address these points strongly. Try to make your statement pop__use strong words, active voice and short paragraphs. The goal should be to make your reader want to know more after reading your piece, not be thankful that it's finally over.