oMake sure you haven't constantly used the same word in the same paragraph. This can be very irritating to the admissions officer and it only needs a little more thought to re_word or, very often, it can be omitted without affecting the sense. A thesaurus is useful for finding alternative words.
Telling Them You Want the Job _ The hiring manager already knows that you want the job, otherwise you wouldn't have applied yet applicants insist on telling the prospective employer how much they enjoy their line of work and their desire to work for the company. Your personal statement should focus on the reasons WHY you should be hired, NOT why you want the job.