Remember that tension, like all techniques, is merely another tool for making your writing more vivid and interesting to read. However, if you do use it, you must make it clear to your readers that the events you are describing have some relation to your study topic. If not, they will be confused, will have to re_read to make sense of it and may end up feeling irritated enough to stop reading.
oMake sure you haven't used over long, unwieldy sentences or paragraphs. If you have you must break these up. _ oThat you've started your personal statement with a powerful introduction so this captures your reader's attention _ straight away. oThat your structure is easy to follow and that each sentence hooks into the next line. oThat you finish with your future career goals. _ A key advantage is to use a professional to edit and improve your personal statement. If, however you are working in isolation and do not have that advantage, be wary of allowing family or friends to read and comment on it. For one thing, an outside will be objective and critical: they may be full of praise or go to the other extreme so far as style, at least, is concerned.