The most convincing personal statements often consist of your academic records, accomplishments, and extra_curricular activities. It may also include any incredible circumstances, challenges, or adversities you have faced and the manner in which those bottlenecks have been overcome. There is nothing wrong in mentioning about your initiative, inspiration, headship, perseverance, and your ample experience in moving with other cultures. In short, all positive qualities or all achievements in light of the opportunities available to you can be mentioned.
When you allow a fresh set of eyes on your admission essay it is almost as if your personal statement is getting practice. After all, your statement will ultimately end up being read by one or more people while your application is being reviewed so it makes sense that a well read personal statement should do better in its final stages. Why have the reviewers catch the mistakes that someone else can catch beforehand? It is far better to catch a small mistake that can cost you admission, before it actually has the chance to cost you.