The most convincing personal statements often consist of your academic records, accomplishments, and extra_curricular activities. It may also include any incredible circumstances, challenges, or adversities you have faced and the manner in which those bottlenecks have been overcome. There is nothing wrong in mentioning about your initiative, inspiration, headship, perseverance, and your ample experience in moving with other cultures. In short, all positive qualities or all achievements in light of the opportunities available to you can be mentioned.
Check for grammar, punctuation and spelling. If you're not confident about these aspects then ask someone you can trust or hire a professional to check the personal statement. _ Review your statement and ask these questions: _ Have I answered the questions required? _ Have I put forward the best examples of experiences and effects that are relevant to my field of study or who I am? _ Have I effectively answered the main question here _ Why should the Graduate School accept me over my fellow applicant? _ Does this statement reflect who I really am or do I sound like a "too good to be true" parrot? _ Would I fall asleep if I had to read this or would it grab my attention? _ Have I let my sense of humor get carried away? Do I sound too opinionated or extreme in my views? _ Have I addressed any weaknesses I have e.g. low GPA or LSAT?