6. REVISE, REVISE, REVISE. Have another person (several persons) critique your work. Use fellow students, trusted professors, your parents or significant other _ anyone who will read your statement closely and give you constructive advice. You, yourself, should read your statement out loud; the ear will hear errors (sentence fragments, grammatical missteps) the eye misses. Be aware of unconscious mistakes, like starting every sentence with the work "I", using cliches (example: saying you want to be a doctor to "help people"), or over_stating or exaggerating accomplishments or emotions. Once satisfied, put the statement down, do not over_write it and drain it of all intensity and enthusiasm. Lastly, think on this. Your personal statement is your opportunity to tell your "story" and a window into your humanity _ ultimately, that is what makes it engaging and memorable to the schools you are applying to.
Another problem often discovered at this stage is the presence of too many short sentences and paragraphs that seem choppy and abrupt. As a solution, try to develop these into longer, more graceful sentences. Formal writing generally utilizes longer sentences, so try using more compound and complex sentences. Using long sentences add flavor and variety to your writing, not to mention the fact that it also showcases your proficiency with words. You can also consider the word_count limit at this time and begin omitting unnecessary details that may only bog down your essay and make it unfocused. How can information be "condensed" while keeping the essence and maintaining the relevance of the essay? You can remove adverbs and excessive modifiers, as well as transform detailed sections to general statements.